Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Illness and Love

I've been ill lately; my body at times seems to belong to someone much older (at least in my head I'm still an awkward teen who longs for love but will settle for groping in a darkened theater--the prose of B movies swirling about private parts slightly tinged with the odor of moldy linen).

And, becalmed even at this hour of the morning as my dog sleeps on without me, I somehow know my health will come back, like the old French cinema classic where the boy approaches the sea, looks out, and turns back toward land, toward the humans despite the additional blows that await him.

I am in love, actually; no, not with another human, though she is nearing me just as deliberately as I swerve her way, but with this hour when the blood can't seem to fall asleep but nudges me: "Go ahead, it won't hurt, really."

Clearly, I'm strung out just as the heavens do their sleepwalk over my small rooftop; the hunter Orion has no choice but to clarify this dark patch of sky, for we all hunt for what we need, cleansed by God knows what, spurred by ill health and the promise of jam and cookies and a cool hand on our foreheads.

If I say, "This might be poetry," I would not win my case in court; if I say, "This is love," I would not win your heart. But why say anything at all if meaning is just subjective spark plugs firing in our brains; why say "I'm in love" if it matters, at best, only to me?

My doctor wants me to take tests that require induced sleep, a temporary "death," so to speak; a machine would breathe for me, but would a machine also dream for me? And in the tunnel that would surely guide me back, would I linger if only to scrawl on the walls just how much I love what can't be seen?

11 comments:

ju吳phe宇te佳ns said...

你文章很棒的~繼續分享給大家~~~~..................................................................

Sheryl said...

Robert,
Please take care. My thoughts and heart are with you. Blessings. Blessings. Blessings.
Sheryl

雅俊芬凱陳許 said...

我真心在追求我的夢想時,每一天都是繽紛的。因為我知道每一個小時都是實現理想 的一部份。..................................................

Robert Vasquez said...

Hi Sheryl,

I sent you an email via your gmail account.

I'm doing well right now--I've explained in the email what's been going on health-wise.

Un beso,

Robert

姿柯瑩柯dgdd憶曾g智曾 said...

看到大家都留言,我也來留個言支持!!!加油囉 ............................................................

青卉 said...

不斷的砍伐用的雖是小斧,卻能砍倒最堅硬的橡樹。......................................................

琬安琬安 said...

喜歡看大家的文章,每篇都是一個故事,都是一種心情~~祝大家開心愉快..................................................................

陳晏李秀樺雄 said...

Make hay while the sun shines...................................................

鄭美玉 said...

Man is not made for defeat. A mean can be destroyed but not defeated..................................................................

凱v胡倫 said...

大肚能容,了卻人間多少事,滿腔歡喜,笑開天下古今愁。..................................................

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